That catch up post felt good. But there was a reason I wanted to post, and it has to do with another change in myself in the past seven years.
Anxiety.
To be honest, I've always been somewhat anxious as a teacher. I was never good at being open to judgement, especially when all I try to do is what I think is right. However, in the past couple of years, I've been feeling my anxiety rise.
Whether it be that one kid a few years ago that I had to remove from my class because he was just a straight-dick, or letting my eyes "linger" (read: making eye contact) with a student bullying them with making my expectations clear, or possibly being on the hook for thousands of dollars because the club you advise used four pictures from the internet without permission, my anxiety has grown.
I could go on more. But as I was implying in my last post, I am using these first post to vomit out all my thoughts until I can focus on one topic.
Anyway, as I was writing this, I decided to do some research on anxiety in teachers, and realized that I'm not unique in my experience. In doing so, I've calmed down a bit (for now).
If you have anxiety, maybe try reading this, by Douglas A. Berstein, professor of psychology, author, and member of the North America Colleges and Teachers of Agriculture (NACTA). Obviously he makes mention of teaching agriculture students, but I still felt it applicable to my teaching. The part that especially made me understand my feelings were valid, but illogical were the myths of teaching on page three (five if you use the numbers on the document).
Wednesday, January 16, 2019
Long time, no post (II)
I think I've already made a title like this. If not, oh well. Let's just get to business and catch you all up on the happenings since I last posted on this site (2012??).
I still teach in the suburbs of the Bay Area, Northern California. This will be my eighth year now, and, for the most part, I still love where I work. I'll get to that later on.
I think the first thing that I should mention is that since 2011, I've lost a good amount of weight. Overall, I had lost 200lbs from when I was biggest. And I know you are probably thinking "Wow, that's cool, but what does this have to do with teaching?"
I'll tell you.
It has boosted my confidence ten-fold, and it has helped my teaching in ways that I wouldn't have imagined. There is a lot that I think plays into it, but by being happy with myself and reminding myself of how hard I worked, I'm much less willing to appease other people. I make my expectations clear, and if my students don't meet them, they aren't surprised.
Another thing that has changed in my career are the subjects I'm teaching. Journalism is no longer class; it's now a club. This is mostly due to low interest in signing up for the class. The students seem to prefer it as a club so they can take other classes that boost their GPA. It's slightly annoying in that it means I have less control over the end-product since the kids aren't worried about a grade. This is lowering my passion for this. Secret: I'm thinking of resigning my position. Not just because of the lack of members and interest, but because I think my lack of passion is hindering the evolution that the newspaper can make.
Still along with subjects I'm teaching: I'm still teaching College Prep Seniors, but I am no longer teaching sophomores, which is bittersweet for me. I feel like I finally had a solid curriculum in place, and now I can't teach it. I'm actually afraid it's going to get ruined without me on the team. But to be fair, I think I was the only one committed to following through with what the team decided. That's the sweet part. I was actually very frustrated last year, as everyone started doing their own thing when we had decided on a plan the summer before school started.
The seniors are always a challenge in getting them to commit to a rigorous course, but I get through it every year. Shakespeare is always hard, but having a class that tries, makes it more fun, even if they aren't the best analysts of the bard. Last year was one of the hardest classes to teach, but I'd be unfair to blame it all on that senior class. There was a lot going on, including a new classroom environment for me, that made it difficult. But I got through it.
What else? Hmmm. The principal that hired me retired a couple of years ago. We got almost all new assistant principals, and one really awesome one this year.
The district office and board has been frustrating (more than usual) the past couple of years. Two years in a row now, we've had to fight for a meager raise. It just seems like we are being under valued.
I think I'll end it here. My apologies for the lack of structure here. My hope is to write more often so that I don't have to spend so much energy filling in, and more time on writing about focused topics that I come across in teaching. I think I'll try to be mostly anonymous still, so I can frank, but if this goes right, I probably won't be for long.
I still teach in the suburbs of the Bay Area, Northern California. This will be my eighth year now, and, for the most part, I still love where I work. I'll get to that later on.
I think the first thing that I should mention is that since 2011, I've lost a good amount of weight. Overall, I had lost 200lbs from when I was biggest. And I know you are probably thinking "Wow, that's cool, but what does this have to do with teaching?"
I'll tell you.
It has boosted my confidence ten-fold, and it has helped my teaching in ways that I wouldn't have imagined. There is a lot that I think plays into it, but by being happy with myself and reminding myself of how hard I worked, I'm much less willing to appease other people. I make my expectations clear, and if my students don't meet them, they aren't surprised.
Another thing that has changed in my career are the subjects I'm teaching. Journalism is no longer class; it's now a club. This is mostly due to low interest in signing up for the class. The students seem to prefer it as a club so they can take other classes that boost their GPA. It's slightly annoying in that it means I have less control over the end-product since the kids aren't worried about a grade. This is lowering my passion for this. Secret: I'm thinking of resigning my position. Not just because of the lack of members and interest, but because I think my lack of passion is hindering the evolution that the newspaper can make.
Still along with subjects I'm teaching: I'm still teaching College Prep Seniors, but I am no longer teaching sophomores, which is bittersweet for me. I feel like I finally had a solid curriculum in place, and now I can't teach it. I'm actually afraid it's going to get ruined without me on the team. But to be fair, I think I was the only one committed to following through with what the team decided. That's the sweet part. I was actually very frustrated last year, as everyone started doing their own thing when we had decided on a plan the summer before school started.
The seniors are always a challenge in getting them to commit to a rigorous course, but I get through it every year. Shakespeare is always hard, but having a class that tries, makes it more fun, even if they aren't the best analysts of the bard. Last year was one of the hardest classes to teach, but I'd be unfair to blame it all on that senior class. There was a lot going on, including a new classroom environment for me, that made it difficult. But I got through it.
What else? Hmmm. The principal that hired me retired a couple of years ago. We got almost all new assistant principals, and one really awesome one this year.
The district office and board has been frustrating (more than usual) the past couple of years. Two years in a row now, we've had to fight for a meager raise. It just seems like we are being under valued.
I think I'll end it here. My apologies for the lack of structure here. My hope is to write more often so that I don't have to spend so much energy filling in, and more time on writing about focused topics that I come across in teaching. I think I'll try to be mostly anonymous still, so I can frank, but if this goes right, I probably won't be for long.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Once in Blue Moon...
...a student will surprise you.
I had my students write an essay last week.
As I read a particular student's essay, I was surprisingly enlightened, my eyes opening to an idea I have never even thought about.
Basically, what a student taught me, is that humans must know evil in order to know good. He went on to explain that for a person to truly, absolutely know they are doing good, then they must know in some way what doing evil looks like.
Maybe you knew this already, but my mind automatically began to think about all (as he put it) the Yin/Yang in life. We must know sadness to know happiness. We must know fear to know courage.
Anyway, I was happy to give this kid a B+. Then I was tempted to ask why he doesn't put his intelligence to work harder to pass my class. *sigh* Kids...
Here is the first link I found to the article the essay was about.
http://lotf1.wikispaces.com/Essay+by+William+Golding
I had my students write an essay last week.
As I read a particular student's essay, I was surprisingly enlightened, my eyes opening to an idea I have never even thought about.
Basically, what a student taught me, is that humans must know evil in order to know good. He went on to explain that for a person to truly, absolutely know they are doing good, then they must know in some way what doing evil looks like.
Maybe you knew this already, but my mind automatically began to think about all (as he put it) the Yin/Yang in life. We must know sadness to know happiness. We must know fear to know courage.
Anyway, I was happy to give this kid a B+. Then I was tempted to ask why he doesn't put his intelligence to work harder to pass my class. *sigh* Kids...
Here is the first link I found to the article the essay was about.
http://lotf1.wikispaces.com/Essay+by+William+Golding
Saturday, November 12, 2011
The Moving Student
Another first happened to me last week. A student moved to another city and therefore is out of my class. Now, the fact that a student moved is not anything new to me. In fact, a male student in this same class moved and there was nothing of note that happened with him. Additionally, a female student during my student teaching also moved. But this particular student was very emotional.
For anonymity purposes I'll call the student Janice.
Janice had told me she was leaving the week prior, and I thought nothing of it. Students come and go, I have no control over that. I didn't think twice about it. The week goes on with no big issue.
Then, her last day is her at last. It was a somewhat cloudy day, a little drizzle falling outside. A note from the office comes for her and she goes to talk with the assistant principal. Upon her arrival, the students and I are in the middle of reading our novel, and she is crying. I don't mean tears quietly falling down her cheek, but sobbing. Her nose sniffling.
"You have to sign this, Mr. ________, " she sniffs, handing me a form for her transfer.
I asked her what was wrong. I thought maybe she had gotten into trouble.
She sobs, "I.. don't.. want.. to leave..." and breaks down in class.
Now, I don't care who you are, just thinking back on this pulls on my heart strings. I was at a loss for words. Part of me wanted to stop class and let everyone say their good-byes, the other part wanted to keep a professional demeanor in the class and continue with what we were doing. I noticed several students looking at me while I decided.
In the end, I chose to keep class moving along, eventually sending a female friend of Janice's outside with her to calm her down.
I'm sure you're thinking, "How heartless!" But really, I think I would choose that option 97% of the time in the future.
The two girls come back in and there was no issue for the rest of the class.
And, so, that is my first experience with the emotional student saddened by leaving school.
I was also taken aback by the hug. I am, by nature, not very emotional in the classroom. I am not entirely comfortable making contact with students in this way. These two things added together meant that the hug was an awkward, one-armed, side hug on my part, and a two armed strong hug on her part.
Again, I'm not heartless, just not experienced with how to act in these situations.
And since I have no better way of ending this, I'll borrow those iconic words from Forrest:
"...That's all I have to say about that."
For anonymity purposes I'll call the student Janice.
Janice had told me she was leaving the week prior, and I thought nothing of it. Students come and go, I have no control over that. I didn't think twice about it. The week goes on with no big issue.
Then, her last day is her at last. It was a somewhat cloudy day, a little drizzle falling outside. A note from the office comes for her and she goes to talk with the assistant principal. Upon her arrival, the students and I are in the middle of reading our novel, and she is crying. I don't mean tears quietly falling down her cheek, but sobbing. Her nose sniffling.
"You have to sign this, Mr. ________, " she sniffs, handing me a form for her transfer.
I asked her what was wrong. I thought maybe she had gotten into trouble.
She sobs, "I.. don't.. want.. to leave..." and breaks down in class.
Now, I don't care who you are, just thinking back on this pulls on my heart strings. I was at a loss for words. Part of me wanted to stop class and let everyone say their good-byes, the other part wanted to keep a professional demeanor in the class and continue with what we were doing. I noticed several students looking at me while I decided.
In the end, I chose to keep class moving along, eventually sending a female friend of Janice's outside with her to calm her down.
I'm sure you're thinking, "How heartless!" But really, I think I would choose that option 97% of the time in the future.
The two girls come back in and there was no issue for the rest of the class.
And, so, that is my first experience with the emotional student saddened by leaving school.
I was also taken aback by the hug. I am, by nature, not very emotional in the classroom. I am not entirely comfortable making contact with students in this way. These two things added together meant that the hug was an awkward, one-armed, side hug on my part, and a two armed strong hug on her part.
Again, I'm not heartless, just not experienced with how to act in these situations.
And since I have no better way of ending this, I'll borrow those iconic words from Forrest:
"...That's all I have to say about that."
The PLC Conference
I had wanted to update during the conference, but did not find the time.
A little backstory:
My district is in the process of converting to the Professional Learning Community (PLC) model. I have had some experience with the process throughout the year, but I was able to get the information straight from the horses' mouth (the DuFours).
A PLC can be applied in any industry, but for education it's basically a structured, fancy way of moving from different teacher, different curriculum to different teacher, one curriculum. Or, a consistency among teachers instructing the same grade level or course. And it's not a consistency in that the exact same lesson is being given to every student, but a consistency in that the material is the same, and the skills being taught are the same, which means freedom for teachers to still put their personality into the lesson. However, this isn't to say that some schools won't take it as far as same lesson among the teachers. This isn't the case at my school--Thank goodness.
Some people like it, others hate it. From a first-year teacher's perspective, I LOVE it.
I mean, my first year could have gone 2 ways. The first is spending countless hours coming up with a curriculum for the whole year on my own. I would use the whole year as my experiment on what worked and what didn't, crying when 90% of it didn't.
Or, it could go the way it has been. Meeting with other sophomore teachers--veterans of the craft--and seeing how they present the material, deciding what skills we will be teaching within each unit.
I am not using everything they give me, but I like to think that I can add it to my bag to pick and choose from later. Rather than filling that bag with janky things I have no idea work, I can fill it with tried methods and choose from those. I mean, I am still going to add my own ideas into that bag, but when those don't work, I'll have a fallback.
Anyway, the conference went well. It was basically a reinforcement of the ideas that the English department has already been doing and implemented. It was enlightening, too, about what still needs to be done at my school to fully function with the PLC model.
I am excited to see how it turns out!
A little backstory:
My district is in the process of converting to the Professional Learning Community (PLC) model. I have had some experience with the process throughout the year, but I was able to get the information straight from the horses' mouth (the DuFours).
A PLC can be applied in any industry, but for education it's basically a structured, fancy way of moving from different teacher, different curriculum to different teacher, one curriculum. Or, a consistency among teachers instructing the same grade level or course. And it's not a consistency in that the exact same lesson is being given to every student, but a consistency in that the material is the same, and the skills being taught are the same, which means freedom for teachers to still put their personality into the lesson. However, this isn't to say that some schools won't take it as far as same lesson among the teachers. This isn't the case at my school--Thank goodness.
Some people like it, others hate it. From a first-year teacher's perspective, I LOVE it.
I mean, my first year could have gone 2 ways. The first is spending countless hours coming up with a curriculum for the whole year on my own. I would use the whole year as my experiment on what worked and what didn't, crying when 90% of it didn't.
Or, it could go the way it has been. Meeting with other sophomore teachers--veterans of the craft--and seeing how they present the material, deciding what skills we will be teaching within each unit.
I am not using everything they give me, but I like to think that I can add it to my bag to pick and choose from later. Rather than filling that bag with janky things I have no idea work, I can fill it with tried methods and choose from those. I mean, I am still going to add my own ideas into that bag, but when those don't work, I'll have a fallback.
Anyway, the conference went well. It was basically a reinforcement of the ideas that the English department has already been doing and implemented. It was enlightening, too, about what still needs to be done at my school to fully function with the PLC model.
I am excited to see how it turns out!
Monday, October 24, 2011
"Professional" Conference...
So, I was sitting here, on my bed, in the hotel room, waiting for the Sandman, thinking how much like college this is beginning to feel, possibly writing a blog entry, when my roommate and I hear a knock on the door and the sound of rapidly retreating footsteps. Looking at one another, it was easy to figure out which of our colleagues it would be. I wasn't at all surprised, ladies. Yes, you two.
And yes, reader, teachers like to have fun too (read: be immature).
But in all seriousness, here comes another first in my short-lived career: The conference.
I have to admit I was reluctant to come. So far, since leaving campus and carpooling up to the hotel, I've thought multiple times about how the next two days away from the students will be. Yes, it will be a nice time away, but giving up control for two days knowing things have to be learned is a bit nerve-wracking.
Well, here's to a new experience. I'll let you know how it goes.
And yes, reader, teachers like to have fun too (read: be immature).
But in all seriousness, here comes another first in my short-lived career: The conference.
I have to admit I was reluctant to come. So far, since leaving campus and carpooling up to the hotel, I've thought multiple times about how the next two days away from the students will be. Yes, it will be a nice time away, but giving up control for two days knowing things have to be learned is a bit nerve-wracking.
Well, here's to a new experience. I'll let you know how it goes.
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