Well... (Lots of "I" statements)

It's been a while since I've written in this blog. But, frankly, it is because there is nothing to write about. This entry comes out of frustration and jealousy. This WHOLE summer I did not get one call, one email, let alone one interview for a job. Frustrating. I have no job. I am signed up to be a substitute at a local school district, but I have not received any calls. Even more frustrating. I am now looking for a job to work at in the evenings so I can be free to sub during the day. This search has been fruitless so far, as well. Icing on the frustration cake. I am jealous hearing about everyone who has gotten a job, whether in teaching or otherwise. I just feel so useless. After all my education, working for these qualifications, I am left here letting it go to waste.

I wish I had gone to Vietnam to teach. Hindsight:20/20? Definitely.

I know I will probably look back at this entry and realize it was just a small setback in the grander scheme, but I am disheartened right now.

First Disappointment

So, I did not get that call on Monday. I am disappointed, but in my heart I know that I was not ready for it. Something was just making me feel off about that whole situation.

I got an email yesterday regarding my credential. I am officially in the system and have paid for my credential. In about 10 days, I should receive confirmation.

The job search is still going. I have a few applications out there, so at the very least I hope I can get an interview this summer.

Bah, forget this worrying about the future. I am going to enjoy this BEAUTIFUL day in Santa Barbara.

Ciao.

Geez, I'm so anxious right now.

So, I'm stressing out right now. A lot. I got an email this weekend saying that a panel will be reviewing applications and will make calls those invited on Monday (which, looking at my clock, is technically today) for an interview on Tuesday. I have never been so anxious just to possibly get a call for a possible interview. I'll let you know what happens.

Summer

Well it is officially summer. I walked in the Master's ceremony. I finished my student teaching. I'm done, right? I'm a real teacher. Well, no, not really. I HAVE applied for my credential, but I still have about a month of work to do to finish up my Master's degree. I will be defending it sometime during the second week of July. Until then, I am revising and making changes to it, adding things where necessary. And although this is a daunting task, it is much nicer being able to wake up later and not worry about teaching anymore.

I just have to worry about finding a job. I have applied to a few school districts. One way up in Nor Cal, and two or three in So Cal. Nothing farther south than Orange County, so far. I haven't heard anything other than the bulk email stating they got my application, so keep your fingers crossed. I am not too worried yet. Talk to me in a bout a month and a half and we will see how I feel.

What to do, What to do

So as it gets closer to graduation and finishing up my M.Ed. in the TEP at UCSB, that decision from my last post is looming more and more on my mind. All the job openings that look appealing to me are in Northern California. I did not want to be working to far from my hometown, but it is looking more and more like I will. There is a job in San Mateo that looks really promising. It's a medium sized school. Again though, it is just so much farther north than I would like. It really is a shame that the market isn't much better.

I talked with some people, including family. The consensus seems to be that I should apply and just get a job. I think I will apply once I find all the paperwork I need. At the very least I will have an application out there, and possibly a job interview. Even if I do not get the job I will still have that experience. It is just hard to accept the reality of not being able to work where I want. That's life I suppose.

In other news, my class seems to have finally taken to me. Hey, it only took about 4 months (sarcasm). Instead of giving me attitude, they mostly just give it to one another. Although, that is another problem I am dealing with. I don't know what to say, they are freshmen.

We are reading Romeo and Juliet, and so far it is going fairly smoothly. I wish they would pay more attention when we read aloud, but as long as they are passing the comprehension quizzes and show they are understanding what is going on, I can't ask for much more.

Just thought I'd give an update of where my head is at right now. Plus I'm laying awake thinking about it, so this is my method of getting it off my mind so I can sleep.

It's been a long time

I am barely finding time to update this. I have been extremely tired. I got PACT done and sent away to be scored. I am so glad to have it out of my mind. Unfortunately, I feel a little burnt out now. This week especially. Nothing has really changed. I have been getting the same amount of sleep, but I find myself with very low energy in the classroom which is starting to show in how the students act. I am going to try to sleep more tonight, and hopefully I'll be renewed tomorrow.

I have been teaching The Odyssey. Well, it more like an excerpt. I am trying to focus on the epic hero and epic simile. My class is slowly becoming boring! YIKES! I have to revamp.

Next week is STAR testing. I am planning to do something a bit more low key and geared toward my M.Ed. thesis which is still--how should I say this--coming along. I am really excited about my topic, but the lack of artifacts to write about is a cause for concern. I am trying to fix it this quarter.

Another cause for concern is the current job market. I feel obligated to write about it as it obviously affects me. I am in a mental, 3-way tug-of-war right now. I basically, at this point, have 4 options for the next year. 1) Stay in the S.B., Carpinteria, Ventura area and make a bigger name for myself where people already know me.
2) Move home, live for free, and try subbing and getting my foot in the door in districts nearby.
3) Apply for a job that would take me A LOT farther away from family and where I would ideally like to be.
4) Teach overseas.

The third option is probably the most logical. I can gain experience, clear my credential, and make money. I still cannot help thinking I'm abandoning my family though. The two jobs I am considering (applying for) are in North Monterey and San Diego. I attended a seminar Tuesday night that was pretty depressing. It was full of "caveats" and "poppycock". I kid you not--"true story." Basically, we all got a reality check on the depressing market for jobs. I am hoping that something turns up in the coming months a little closer to home.

Feel free to post your opinions.

The Call Home!

As part of this semester, we have to make at least 10 calls to parents and 5 before Spring Break. So I made my first call home today. I was so nervous. It was for something positive, but my hands are still shaking as I type this out. It was also very quick. My student's father seemed to be in a hurry so I did not want to keep him. It lasted about 1min and 41 secs including ring time, according to my phone. That was a rush.

I had been putting this off for a while. It's nice to have it somewhat out of the way. I am initiated into the call home.

Anyway, just another step, however small, on my way to becoming a "real" teacher. Thought I'd let the world know.

PACT

PACT has started everyone. The Performance Assessment for California Teachers is under way. I taught 2 lessons of 3 last week and hope to finish up and Monday. This is indeed the most stressful portion of TEP. I should also be working on it right now, but I decided to give anyone who reads this an update.

Tensions are high amongst students in TEP. People are snapping at one another and if this continues, it will be a long time before March 26th comes. That is when this project is due.

To me the hardest part is the video taping. I think if i can get that done then make small steps in the long writing process, then I will be fine.

I planned out my lessons. All I have to do now is polish them up, fix spelling errors, and teach the last one.

I said this before, but in case you didn't get the message:

The next several weeks are going to be hard, and I will be super busy. So, if I do not respond to phone messages or requests, bear with me. I will get back to you as soon as possible.

Wish me luck!

Anonymity

I think I might try to make things as anonymous as possible so I can tell you all the crazy things that happen to me during this journey.

So, I will look through this and try to find names and replace them with other types of pronouns. This way you can get the entire reality that is my teaching life, be it good or bad.

Overdue Update

Hey all. Found a little bit of time to write, so I thought I would make the most of it.

January 11th began my semester long takeover. I am teaching the second semester of English 9. Monday was fine. We just did some introductory things, and passed out the syllabus. Tuesday wasn't as good but I dealt with it. Wednesday was unbearable as far as management, so on Thursday I talked with the class about it. I told them that I wasn't my CT and that I was not going to try to be like her. I told them that I will probably do things differently and that the sooner they understood that, the sooner we could enjoy the company of each other. Friday was good.

Tuesday was horrible. I could not control them and could not believe what I was hearing from them. Needless to say I left school pretty disappointed. Thursday, I brought my grumpy stick and decided to stop the class and call on individuals who were acting out. Friday was better.

That brings me to today. Today's class was not entirely bad. Apparently some kid aimed some profanity in my direction, but 1) since it was in Spanish and 2) I did not hear it, it hardly bugs me. I only know because one of my Spanish speaking students told me about it later. This truly does not bug me in the least. One reason being, because I don't understand it. He was obviously not brave enough to say it in English and let me hear it, so I know he did not mean it or it was not meant for me to hear. Another reason I do not really care is because if he needs to make himself sound cool in front of his friends by making an unwarranted insult in a language the target cannot understand, it only shows this student's weakness about confrontation and he still knows that saying that is wrong. If I heard it and/or understood it, two things would have happened. The first is calling him out on it saying something about how his unprovoked insult made him look so "cool". The second thing would be to tell him to stay in at lunch and we can discuss it.

My ears are open now.

I am having some trouble with classroom management. I have yet to stumble upon my style of discipline, though I am seeing shades of it. I always went with honesty being the best policy, rather than punishment, but these current students are pushing me. I have a few ideas I still need to try. I am going to have some one-on-one talks with some students tomorrow. If that does not work I will be calling home.

I cannot continue to have this issue. I feel like the students' learning is suffering because of it. I spent a week on something that should have taken one, or two days max.

I have told myself if I need to be grumpy, I will be. Unfortunately, that is difficult being who I am. I hate being mean, but it looks as though I will have to be until I get respect from people. I am turned off to this age group. As of now, I would prefer to teach middle school students, or 11th/12th grade students.

Anyway, enough of the downside. I am liking the high school overall. My literacy placement is an ELD class that I like very much. This is my first time in an ELD class and it is great. The teacher is magnificent and kind and patient with the students. I am learning a lot about being a caring teacher from her. The students themselves are very respectful, overall. They usually all say good morning and bye, and most of them are willing to do the work. If I find a position as an English 11/12 & ELD 3-4 teacher when I graduate, I will be very happy.

I just checked my email a few minutes ago and read something interesting from my CT about an encounter she had with one of my students today. It was somewhat educational, somewhat sad, and somewhat inspiring. It makes me want to stick around for a bit.

Til next time.